The Hobbit
So I finally sat down and watched the second and third Hobbit movies. Had seen the first one when it came out and while it appealed due to the Lord of the Rings effect I look back on it as a fairly ordinary movie.
Gonna keep this fairly brief so let me just explain how this works.
Remember back to the bit in Return of the King when Legolas slides down the elephant trunk while simultaneously taking out a small division. It’s all a bit CGI and it never quite looks right. You just know that someone somewhere got a kick out of showing off his fab new talents on the 3D design tool.
There may be a few geekboys out there that are impressed but most of us humans are grimacing at the obvious fakery on offer. We don’t mind a bit of twirly sword action and some inventive use of the prop department but it gets a bit much when it starts looking like a digital Jackie Chan movie.
All this over the top CGI fighting stuff, that’s pretty much the Hobbit movies. In one long loop.
The Point
Generally speaking I kind of thought the idea was to stab the other guy before he stabs you. That’s how it works in Glasgow. All this whizzing around jumping about stuff doesn’t really occur down Possil way, I can assure you.
They do have some talking bits where various combinations of characters sit and discuss plot stuff. It’s actually quite difficult to know what is going on because you inevitably have to fast forward past the two minute deep and meaningful stare that follows and you always miss a bit.
Then it’s yet another fight scene, rocks flying, swords twirling, buildings exploding, and then someone gets cut on the arm and everyone stops for a dramatic pause. Cut to another character, another implausibly over the top fighting scene, followed by a bit of talky stuff. Deep and meaningful stare.
I found that after a while it all just blended in together.
You have the totally over the top boss fight at the end where he never ever really dies. Actually there are about 3 or 4 or 5 of them. Reminds me of watching an endless AC/DC guitar solo. Actually I don’t mind AC/DC.
Then there is the obligatory 20 minute meander at the end of the third film where nothing really happens and we are all supposed to feel good about ourselves cause there is nice music playing. It’s now Peter Jacksons trademark to bore us to tears before we get to leave the cinema.
Lost Childhood
So big thanks to Peter Jackson for cashing in and killing a little bit of my childhood. You gave us wonderous things with the original Lord of the Rings trilogy and it touched our hearts. Thank you.
But the Hobbit is terrible.
Rest assured many of us will no doubt find a spot for it on our DVD shelves, somewhere between the Phantom Menace and the Matrix sequels. It’s now time to put down the Tolkien novels and step away from the genre. It’s done. Let it go.
